Family Updates

As Christmas is approaching and the madness will be increasing this seemed the best time to give an update on our family. Dan is currently in Hawaii. Those of us left behind are more jealous of the fact that he is somewhere warm and sunny than that it is Hawaii. Well, it could be a tie. You'd be amazed how crazy we all get about sunlight up here in the winter.
Hopefully Dan will have the week after Christmas (mostly) off. He will probably have briefings (the military word for meetings) on his deployment that week. This deployment is coming too quickly. (And lasting too long.)
Our foster son is still with us. He is now completely ours in our hearts. The doctors think he might be having seizures, so he is going to get some tests done. The birth mom is letting me make the appointments. They are starting to transition him home now. He is having home visits once a week with his mom in Fairbanks. Christmas eve he is going to have his first overnight visit. This is one of the hardest things ever! We know that he won't get the care that he needs once he goes home. The mother only needs to be adequate to get him back. This means that she will have to take him to his Occupational and Physical Therapy appointments but it doesn't mean she has to work with him at home.
What a roller coaster ride this has been. I am still working to trust God in this, by faith and not by sight. I cannot even come close to expressing what this experience has been like for us or how much of myself I have poured into this.
Our bio kids are doing great! I am loving homeschooling. I wish I had a few more hours in the day and an extra heaping of energy, so I could keep adding more and more things to do with them. It has been so much fun exploring all of these subjects with my kids. They (my kids) are so amazing and fun. We read Romeo and Juliet out of a book called Tales From Shakespeare, then we rented the movies. It was such a kick to see my 7 and 9 year old not only watch the movie but follow it and enjoy it. It is so exciting to see them learning and growing.

Wherever I Go

Okay, it's been almost a month since I last updated this blog. I'm sure that most of my (two) faithful readers have given up on me. But life has been pretty full for me lately. It's difficult as a stay at home mom to find any time for myself and usually when I get the time my brain is pretty fried. I'm usually only able to sit on the couch and drool. I'm not able in those moments to opine on the world around me or come up with anything of remote interest. "But none of your previous blogs were of interest," you say. True. I'm sure this won't be either. I was just talking with a friend the other day about my blog title...Wherever you go. It is amazing that even when God sends you to Alaska, you take yourself with you. You'd think your junk would be held at the border of Canada. Or that it would at least get frozen solid--something you could stick in the freezer and look at every once in awhile. But it really seems that instead of freeing you of your junk, Alaska has a way of bringing it all out. It is a very isolating place. When it is -25 outside you don't...well you try not to do anything really. It is currently getting dark here. Very dark. The sun rises at 10:45 a.m. and sets at 2:42 p.m. That gives us four hours of sunlight a day--when the sun comes out. Dark, cold, lonely days sitting inside your house to avoid freezing to death give you a lot of time to think. What kind of person am I? How is God ever going to be able to use me? Am I lovable? Why am I so irritating? Why am I so insecure?
I would love to be free of it all. I would like the struggle of life to end. It would be wonderful if God could just say "Hey, you need to stop being angry." And voila! You're perfect. Until then I trust that God knows better than me. And maybe someday it won't be such a disappointment to take myself, wherever I go...

Happy Thanksgiving

I am thankful that my foster son is still with us. I am thankful that Dan is here and our family is going to be together tomorrow. I am thankful for my healthy, smart, beautiful kids. I am thankful for my puppy dog. I am thankful for a God who loves me. He is always giving me the strength I need to get through each day.

link pic 2

link pic

Whatever

Well it appears the image for my link has gone caput. Tonight Dan and I are heading out to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. This movie is based on my favorite book so far. Not so much because it is an important book filled with symbolism, depth or clues (Chamber of Secrets, Azkaban, and HBP are more suited to that) but because this book is the most fun. It is non stop action from page one. It is also the turning point in the battle between good and evil. I can't wait to see it.

New Link

I am so excited to have added a new link to my "links" section. It is a link to the Ambleside curriculum that I am loving for homeschooling my kids. It has been such a rewarding and challenging curriculum. Hope you enjoy checking it out.

Foster Info

We didn't get the transportation for two visits for our foster son. However, the new worker did get rid of Wednesday visits. They are making Monday's visits longer by an hour but I'm hoping that will be manageable. I'm really hoping and praying that one less visit will be enough relief. I really wanted to get it down to one trip into town. So, I am praying that what God has provided will be enough. I don't want to be flying at exhaustion a hundred miles an hour every week. Also, I really want to be able to focus more on homeschooling with my kids.
We were given some more info on our foster son and the circumstances that brought him into care. The new social worker has been really great. In addition we now have an idea of how long he will be with us. Halloween--Yes. Thanksgiving--Yes. Christmas--Highly Probable.
On the difficult news front we just learned that Dan will be deploying earlier than we thought and for a longer time--Eight Months!
Unfortunately this means that I will probably be on my own when it comes time to re-unify our foster son with his mother. This will be challenging.
Interesting to note: In my study with Beth Moore I just watched one of her videos that spoke to me on this very thing. She was talking about submitting to God's will both before and after. She used Jesus and Job as examples. Job submitted to God's will after all of these difficult circumstances came into his life. And often times things do tend to hit us out of the blue (i.e. infected teeth) and it is sometimes difficult to submit in those moments. Sometimes, as with Jesus, we are able to see the challenge coming. In our spirits we can see that this circumstance is going to be very hard. We may not know how hard but we know beyond a doubt that it will be hard. Jesus came here knowing that he was going to have to die for me and you. He also knew that it wasn't going to be a pleasant 'fade away in your sleep' kind of death. He saw the suffering and the temporary separation from God that was coming. He had to submit completely to God in this circumstance before it occurred, knowing the cost.
I feel as though this is where I sit right now. Staring down the barrel of eight months separated from my greatest friend and lover. As well as eight months of doing everything on my own as a single parent of sorts. I know that this is going to press me and pull in ways I've never been tested before. I am so thankful that I do not have to go through it alone. God is going to be there with me, helping me to take 'baby steps' to get through each day. I am so thankful for people in my life who consistently pray for me and remind of the goodness of God. Sometimes I forget. But God never forgets me.

Rough

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me. My husband had to leave for a week for some training and everything got really challenging. I knew that life was going to be difficult with him gone and I couldn't afford to have anything go wrong. Everything needed to go as planned. My weeks already had me approaching exhaustion and I was seeking some relief in the number of visits I needed to get my foster son to. The Friday that Dan left my teeth started to hurt...A lot. Of course there are no dentists open on the weekend. So, I iced my jaw and used Motrin and Ora-jel. I couldn't get in to the dentist Monday because of my foster son's visit, so I made a morning appointment for Tuesday. Then I had to make another morning appointment for Thursday. By Thursday afternoon I wasn't even able to function anymore due to the pain. It appears that one of my roots got infected. Thursday I was given prescription pain killers and antibiotics, which I proceeded to vomit up all night. Friday morning my dentist was back in the office--I had been seeing his partner throughout the week. I went in to get an anti-nausea prescription. My face was so swollen, I was in so much pain and part of my face had gone numb. But my dentist refused to see me. He refused to even look at me. Someone at the office felt that I needed to get the tooth drained to ease the pain and lower the swelling but the dentist would not listen. His partner did come in on his day off and he offered to drain me that afternoon. But by then I was home and hoping that the antibiotics would kick in. I didn't want to have to drive anywhere. I was after all toting around three kids. Saturday morning I had an emergency root canal performed. I felt so grateful that God had gotten me through the week. I had survived. Then Dan came home Monday. Bradley and I caught a plane on Wednesday for his surgery on Thursday. Needless to say we are all exhausted. Bradley's surgery went really well. He came out of anesthesia really well. We are hoping the surgery had its desired effect and all will be well with Brad.

Just A Couple Of Things

I'm always afraid that I am going to bore the few readers I have with all of my mundane information. My life really doesn't seem that exciting to me. Though I am still traveling at break neck speed through it every day. I'm still doing visits in Fairbanks for my foster son. But now I am doing it three times a week. I was going to try and get OCS (Office of Children's Services) to help with transportation but at my last visit with the bio mom I didn't even see anyone. That's right, there was no social worker or visitation specialist there to greet me or see me off. It is mostly like this. A lot of the time I'm pretty much ignored. I'm just sort of a background player. I could be the cab driver, or the person delivering lunch. It wouldn't be much different. If I call them I know that they will return my phone call but I'm not sure how thrilled they are going to be when I ask them to provide some transportation. It just seems like it would be better to ask in person. It is too much of a challenge to try and get my foster son to Fairbanks three times a week in the middle of the day--especially while homeschooling.

In other news, we found out on Friday that Bradley is going to need surgery to remove some scar tissue. It is just really hard for a mom to hear that her son needs surgery. We are going to have to take him to Anchorage to get this done. The military will pay for Bradley and one adult to fly down for this appointment. Of course this means we can't all go. Plus in order to take our foster son we would have to get special permission from his mom to miss his visits. His surgery is scheduled for Oct. 13 with a pre-op appointment on the 12th. Also, my foster son has an appointment scheduled in Fairbanks on Oct. 12. Dan is in Japan this week. So, I will need to figure out how to pull all of this together on my own. Hopefully it will all come together smoothly. Dan is supposed to get back from Japan on Oct. 10. Then he will have to take some time off, either to stay here with the kids or to go to Anchorage.

If I didn't know that God is sovereign, that he loves and cares for me, and that he is mighty, powerful and in control, I don't know how I would get through life sometimes. Praise be to God who carries me through it all.

No Spare Time

I have no spare time. Not even to write this. I am giving up precious moments of sleep to update this blog that almost nobody reads. We got our first foster care placement Tuesday night. He had a visit with his mom scheduled for Wednesday and another is scheduled for tomorrow. Next week he will start on regular visits Monday and Wednesday. It is amazing to me how much time an infant absorbs. It has been quite a few years since I've had one. Also, it is a unique challenge to get a 5 month old. You don't get the first 5 to figure things out. We just had to guess how much he weighed and hope the diapers we bought would fit. It is an adjustment getting used to having a baby again.

In addition to the foster child, I am attending classes on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for two weeks. These are the CORE classes required when becoming a foster parent in Alaska. They are super helpful and informative but ever so inconvenient. They are in Fairbanks, which is a 30-40 minute drive. The visits with the baby's mom are also in Fairbanks. Ouch on the gas!

Also, I am going strong in my third week of homeschooling. It has been extremely difficult for the kids to stay focused on school with a baby around--not to mention the interruptions of visits to Fairbanks in the middle of the school day. It's been challenging for me to go with the flow. I haven't been able to have a decent un-interrupted quiet time with God since he got here either. I'm probably going to have to get up earlier--YUCK!!!!! It would be nice if I could go to bed earlier but my schedule just isn't allowing it right now. Hopefully as things progress we will be able to find a nice schedule to fall into. After Sept. 17 I won't have CORE anymore, so that will ease things up a bit. However, I am missing my Tuesday evening bible study the next two weeks, so that will still be there. And the kids are starting Awana soon, so there goes my Wednesday evening. But God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. So, I am working on trusting Him with all of this. He has been so faithful to me!

The Word

I am just absolutely blown away by the word of God. My bible study led me on a journey through just a few of the prophecies Christ fulfilled. It is amazing to behold. Never has there been a book with so much to learn from. It is a never ending source. I can't even comprehend the brilliance behind the writing. From book to book there are no inconsistencies. On the contrary, you will find the same truths in many places, in many books--sometimes the truths are exact to the details. It is amazing. I am in awe of the intelligence and faithfulness (believability) of my God.

First Day

Today was our first day of homeschooling. I think it went fantastic. It was actually a lot of fun for me. The only problem we had today was the length of time it took. I think this is because it is new to us and we haven't perfected our schedule. And the fact that Dan--who is going to be gone until Friday--kept popping in and out of the house today, getting ready for his trip. Hopefully tomorrow will go a little smoother and quicker. The math we are doing right now is really easy for the kids. The curriculum is set up differently than public school. So, I am hoping to fly through the early lessons (stuff they already know) and get to the tougher ones more quickly. My plan is to get them both through two levels this year. What a goal!!! Hey, math is FUN!!! I love it anyway. We are learning about Astronomy in Science. And our reading program is amazing. For history we are studying all of the events that occurred during the life of Augustus Caesar, in a book called Augustus Caesar's World. Hopefully we will be able to use the book Our Young Folks Josephus, as well, but it has to actually get here first. And we'll have to see how it goes. We have a lot planned but I keep reminding the kids--especially Bradley--that this is for the entire year. We aren't climbing the mountain in one day, or even one month. I hope that the kids will be able to enjoy their education this year. After all they have the best teacher in the world...me. :)

Homeschool.

We've been very busy lately. I've sat down many times to update my blog. My problem? I would check my email first. There would invariably be something that would require me to write back. We haven't yet received our first foster care placement but we are anxiously awaiting that. What has kept us busy these last weeks is homeschooling. Should we? Shouldn't we? I have always told people that my kids are excellent candidates for homeschooling but I am not sure that I am. I am still not sure that I am. But we are trudging forward with it none-the-less. I am really excited about some of the things we will be learning about together this year. It was nothing less than a miracle that we were able to put together a curriculum for this year so quickly. And so the new adventure begins...

This Weekend

This weekend we were able to do three geocaches. Putting us over fifty. We are currently trying to decide what to do to celebrate this achievement. The kids want to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...again. Bethany got glasses this weekend. Turns out she is not even legal to drive. What a bummer. But her glasses are so cute on her. They just add to her studious personality. When we finally get around to taking a pic I'll post it.

Geocaching

Another fun geocache for our family. This one started at the Knotty Shop. You are looking at Alasquito, a giant Alaska mosquito. That one is just a little bit bigger than the real ones. The Knotty Shop is a fun place to go to buy or browse Alaska gifts and souvenirs. It's also fun to check out their burlwood animals on the front lawn. In addition to Alasquito they have, among others, a moose, a caribou, and a bear.

It Is Done

Today I have finished Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I would like to make comments and discuss all of the new and interesting things I've learned. As well as break apart all of the new mysteries. But I know that most of the few people who visit my site have not finished. Some may not even have begun. I can't wait to get a new notebook and begin re-reading it and taking notes. As you complete the book please comment.

The Fullness of God

Living beyond yourself. How is that possible? Sometimes it is so hard to see past my eyes. I'm blind to what is below the surface. I see the limits of my body, my personality, my talents, my circumstances, my gifts. I see my failure. The failures of the past and all the failures to come. In those moments I feel paralyzed by who I am.
But...

I pray that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened in order that I may know the hope to which God has called me, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for me, who believes. Ephesians 1:18-19 (paraphrased)

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen me with power through his Spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart through faith. And I pray that I, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:16-19 (paraphrased)

That I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Amen

Truthfully when I first wrote the beginning of this blog I did not immediately follow with these verses. Days passed that were filled with the fullness of despair. But I resolved to make spending time with God a priority--a greater priority. And I discovered a new way to do it. A la Beth Moore. Pouring Out to make room for Pouring In. My daily specific confession followed by an acceptance of His forgiveness and an acknowledgement of the righteous He had given me has been amazing!!! Beating the day to the punch and unburdening my sin has filled me with a greater peace. Pouring out my concerns...I'm afraid of...I'm anxious about...I need... All of this provided much needed space for God to pour into me. I tell Him. I tell Him everything. All of my failures and weaknesses. All of the ways I know that I can never measure up. All of my hurts and fears and struggles. I tell Him that I can't do it.

He is teaching me that He can. He has the power. He has the Love. He has the strength. And all I need is Him.

Something Retarded

I just learned of something I think is retarded. It seems that the abbreviations for the Gregorian calendar, B.C. & A.D. are no longer politically correct. B.C.=Before Christ. A.D.=Anno Domini--or the year of our Lord. So, now we are supposed to use B.C.E. (Before Common Era) and C.E. (Common Era). This way if you don't personally believe in Christ, you won't be offended by the calendar. Now, I do believe in Christ so I may not be as sensitive but was anyone really suffering over the use of A.D.? How many people even knew what it stood for?

I apologize if I am being too insensitive. It just seems like we (our culture) are taking political correctness a bit too far. I mean our kids can't compete in sports because then one team would be the loser and we can't have any losers. They might get their feelings hurt. In schools there can't be a boys line and a girls line, only two gender neutral lines. Because we wouldn't want one sex to feel that they are less than the other because their line isn't as straight...as long...I don't know, whatever. At what point do we stop the insanity?

Don't get me wrong, I believe in compassion, and love, and understanding. I'm just struggling with why we need to erase all of the historical references to Christ in order to achieve it.

BnB

This is one of my favorite pics of my kids. It was taken in temporary lodging here at Eielson.

Harry Potter

In nine days Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince makes it's debut. Just to give you an idea of my level of excitement/geekiness, I have had a countdown on my desktop for about 100 days. I originally ordered my book from Amazon. I later cancelled this order when I discovered they would not be able to get it to me on July 16. Stupid Alaska. It's still a state, what is the deal with everyone's crazy shipping issues? I then had to find an actual bookstore in Fairbanks that could guarantee the book would be here. Enter Waldenbooks. Nine more days and my wait for the book ends...and my wait for the Goblet of Fire movie begins (November). I LOVE Harry Potter. I read the first Potter book to "check it out" for my daughter. To see if it was appropriate for her, or evil. There was so much controversy swirling around the book that I didn't feel comfortable just handing it over to her. Well maybe I read it more for my son. It is easier to find books that my daughter enjoys and wants to read. And many on the pro-Harry side talked of what a great series this would be for boys. Either way I read it. Then I read the second one. And so it went until I had read them all. Of course the craziness begins here. I loved the books so much I bought them...all of them...in hardback. I then re-read everyone...and took literary notes...seriously.

Favorite Harry book: Goblet of Fire--it was so much fun to read
Hardest book to get through the second time: Order of the Phoenix--big book, lots of info
Book or Movie?: The books are always better! For my children the books are less scary than the movies as well. When they are reading, they are limited to their own imagination. Their imagination seems to be less frightening than that of a movie producer.
Another series of books I'd recommend: The Circle Books by Ted Dekker--Black, Red, White

A Long Time Coming

Wow! It's been awhile since I last updated my blog. What have I been up to? Well to be honest I have been writing and deleting posts a lot lately. It is hard to publish my thoughts. I am my own worst critic. I do want to try and achieve some sense of truth and "realness". Revealing your "inner self" can be overwhelming and frightening. In addition to struggling over my blog and what it is I truly want to say, I've been pretty busy. I have finally completed the Beth Moore online study Believing God. For those of you who have walked through this with me, you know what an amazing accomplishment this was. Now I must go about the business of applying it to my life. Quite a challenge.
The five principles in the study are:
1. God is who He says He is--(I got this one)
2. God can do what He says He can do--(this one is easy when it involves everyone else...it's much tougher when it applies to me)
3. I am who God says I am--(what a challenge for me!!!)
4. I can do all things through Christ--(another tough one)
5. God's word is alive and active in me--(I really need to spend more time making this one more obvious and visible in my life)
The idea is that many people believe in God but don't really believe God. Do you? I find this very challenging. It was an amazing journey for me.

Goodbye Hello!

There is no way to describe the excitement that I am feeling right now. I no longer need the Hello! software to upload pics to my blog. You can't imagine the pain that I suffered everytime I saw my husband's blog and all the pics he so easily loaded into each of his posts. I no longer have to suffer the cruel bitter pains of envy. And so in honor of this truly magnificent moment, I post my puppy. Hannah, with her tongue hanging out, is saying, "You go girl...you go..." It's beautiful.

You Can't Handle The Truth

There is something beautiful about the truth. Raw, gritty, real truth. It has always captured me. I find the truth in unexpected places. Not just in perfection. (Jesus is the ultimate truth.) But I find truth in many fallen places. Places of pain. Places of loneliness. Places of passion and love. Places that many people I know would find scandalous. Because the truth isn't always clean. It is often dirty, and messy. But beautiful all the same.

All That And A Bag Of Chips

Well I think I've finally settled--for now--on my blog template. I am pleased with this result and pleased that I will no longer be coding any pages. Actually I've grown a little addicted to it. I'll probably still be messing around with it somehow. Now I get to go back to focusing on how to invest my money for retirement. As if my brain isn't already fried enough. I'm a stay at home mom, so I'm always looking for challenging--but fun--projects to work on. My husband bought me a sewing machine and I taught myself how to quilt. I've read all of the Harry Potter books... twice. I even took notes and analyzed the use of colors and searched for clues. I'm pretty much insane. Reading is actually huge for me. I need something to keep my brain moving at all times. Plus, I've found that day to day living can be very slow and tedious. Books bring a little bit of excitement to my day. Some of the best books I've ever read are: Harry Potter series, Lord of the Rings, The Circle Books (Black, Red, White) by Ted Dekker (He's amazing!), and Pride and Prejudice. At least these are the few I can think of when I am only half awake.
We have been working towards becoming foster parents and last Saturday we got a little closer. Our license came in the mail. Now it's just a matter of waiting. A thing I have not yet perfected. There is so much uncertainty in foster care. It can be a little unnerving at times. When you get pregnant you have a certain time period (approx.) to wait. You know about when to expect a new addition and you can make plans. With foster care I could get a call tomorrow and have a baby by five o'clock. Or three months from now I could still be waiting. Also when you give birth to a baby you can expect that it will be a newborn and therefore require infant things. With foster care I could have a six month old, eighteen month old, or three year old. What an adventure! It's all amazing.
Well that's "All that". So, what about the bag of chips? Black Pepper Jack Doritos. I am so loving these chips. If you haven't already, check 'em out.

Blog Awareness

Since starting this blog, it seems, I've spent most of my time trying to find and fix a template that I actually like. I thought this would be somewhat easy. I was wrong. Many free templates on the web are geared toward a younger generation. And, while I LOVE Harry Potter, I don't love the books enough to create my blog around them. :) What generally happens is, I tinker. I load up a template and then try to manipulate the code to change colors, etc... I usually do this for about an hour, get frustrated with trying to color coordinate (it looks almond on this page and peach when I post it on mine), and give up entirely. Not only that but if I choose a new template I usually have to reload my links. This is not too difficult, just a matter of copy and paste, but it is an inconvenience none the less. But I am learning. And I thrive on learning. So, as frustrating as this can be, it is also exciting. To create. To grow. To try something new and put ideas out there. Please bear with me, in the beginning.

Me and my family geocaching 

In The Beginning

In the beginning there was a title. A much worked over and often changed title, that led to Wherever you go... It comes from a great and wonderful saying: Wherever you go, there you are. I have found this small yet profound statement to be true repeatedly in my life, especially lately. No matter where you go or how your circumstances change you are still you. I am currently living in Alaska. A crazy and somewhat daunting place to be. The temperatures in the winter fall down to negative fifty. And in the summer it can get up into the nineties. Quite an extreme. But, alas, even in Alaska I am still Jaime. I still carry my talents, dreams, faults, and hardships. But I am growing, learning, and trying new things. Thus, this blog. I read somewhere that you should have an idea of what you want to accomplish with your blog, before you start one. Well in this, I'm afraid, I am already at a disadvantage. I'm not sure exactly what I want to say or where I want to go with this. I am just going to see where all of this takes me.