It's been three months now. I haven't posted anything--not a single story or update, not a picture. I'm sure that I've lost even those who were hanging in just to make sure my blog was dead. A lot has happened in three months. We lost our foster son on Dec. 12, had Christmas on Dec. 25 (duh), had movers come out to pack us up on Dec. 27, left Alaska on Jan. 6. For those who have never moved or done Christmas with two kids or lived in Alaska or lost a son, each of these things is very difficult (OK Christmas isn't very difficult but it is stressful when it happens in the midst of a tornado). Doing all of them together would have killed me if I didn't have Christ to carry me through it. It wasn't over, yet. We still had to travel from Alaska to Arizona with two kids, luggage and our floppy eared dog. We didn't get to Tucson until Jan. 31. Then we had to find a place to live--and move our stuff in. So, we are really just starting to feel settled in an unsettled way. Because there wasn't any time--not even a breath--between losing our baby and leaving Alaska I didn't really have time to process it or deal with it or really to grieve in any way. It's sort of a stunted way to have to deal with something. The despair could have killed me, if it weren't for Christ. If I didn't KNOW that God would look after him for me. If I didn't KNOW that God loves him more than me. If I couldn't pray for him constantly. If I couldn't give God my wound and have him clean it, it would have become infected.
Now I am just in mourning. Mourning the loss of his smiling face and the way he would dance to music in the car. I'm begging God to help me to remember it all.
We have added to our family since arriving here. Bethany has gotten a gerbil named Aja (Asia). She is cute and fluffy with a pink nose. Bethany is over the top excited about it! I'm getting bored of typing now, so I'm just going to post this. Hopefully I will be able to blog more in the next months.
