Update: Taco Bell

My family and I went out to Taco Bell again today and were again charged double for my sour cream as well as being charged double for my daughter's nacho cheese (.45+.45=.90, a full order of nachos is only 9 cents more). Starting to become irritated by this I decided to call 1-800-TACO BELL. They didn't really seem to care and they couldn't provide me with any information on whether or not this was on the up and up. I told the lady that I spoke with that what I really wanted documented was how deceitful it felt to me to be charged 30 cents plus 30 cents. If the price of sour cream has really doubled from 30 cents to 60 cents, it would seem like a more straight forward business practice to print 60 cents on the receipt. To me it seems as though these particular Taco Bells are cheating people out of money. It feels like they are hoping that most people won't really look at the receipt. It comes off to me as though sour cream is really only 30 cents but they are trying to rig the system and make more money.

Christians Aren't Funny

According to an article in Time magazine, Christians--of which I am one, are not funny. We are apparently unable to delve into the darker sides of life and can't muster more than a good poop joke. This was completely shocking to me but as it is in a reputable news magazine (though obviously an opinion piece) it must be absolutely correct. I am going to have to go out immediately and stop my sister-in-law Charla from speaking ever again because I can't seem to get through a conversation with her without laughing about something. And you, follower Cassie, I don't know what you're going to do.
Just last week at the end of my women's bible study my daughter and I watched a video with what appeared to be Kay Arthur, Beth Moore and Priscilla Shirer. But they must have been imposters because I was laughing so hard (and so loud) that I was crying. It couldn't have actually been them, because they are Christians.

In all seriousness, I guess that the writer of the piece felt that you can't be funny if you aren't using swear words or making a jab at God. Or perhaps he just hasn't met the right Christians.

Trashy

I don't understand people who throw their trash out of their car. Did they grow up in homes where they threw their stuff on the ground only to have mom or dad pick it up? Do they feel that they own the world so they can trash it how they please? Do they have so much trash already filling up their car that they couldn't possibly fit one more piece of paper? Is having a clean car more important than having clean streets? Or are they so wrapped up in themselves that they just aren't aware of anything else? It is upsetting to be driving down the road and have paper fly at your face. Sometimes I feel like pulling up beside them and lecturing them. Actually I wish I could do this for a lot of driver's as well..."You do realize the speed limit is 45, not 25 right?"

Taco Bell Fiasco

Recently my family and I went to Taco Bell for dinner. Actually it was the night we were off to see A Midsummer Nights Dream at CSU (super awesome play! loved it!) When we arrived I proceeded to order my staple item, the one thing I order every time I go to Taco Bell, a Nacho Supreme, and a side order of sour cream--they never put enough on. A side order of sour cream is about 35 cents. It is definitely worth it. I believe that the standard regulation for sour cream is one pump, per 35 cents. However, many Taco Bells that I have had the pleasure to eat at give the sour cream two pumps, therefore filling the nacho cheese sized cup. When this does not happen I make due with my one side of sour cream. On this night, I walked up to the counter and gave my order, grabbed the various cups, went to sit at a booth and somewhat patiently await my food. Dh used to work at TB and is in the habit of reading over every receipt, TB or otherwise. As he perused the assortment of items that his family had ordered he noticed that the boy at the register charged me twice for my sour cream, once for each pump. My issue with this is that I didn't order two sour creams, he didn't give me the option of just paying for one pump, instead without my consent he over charged me for sour cream. I did get the two pumps that I paid for but I'll probably eat at the other TB in town from now on.

Obama's in Trouble

I have to say that I have been pleased in the last 24 hours to see that Obama's popularity with the media hasn't stunted their ability to report on the foolish things that Obama does. The particular foolish thing that I am referring to (as many may not know which one of many) has to do with police officers who act "stupidly". I'm not sure I understand why, just because you are black, AND wealthy, AND a personal friend of the president you are no longer required to comply and cooperate with a police officer. I'm not sure I understand how a police officer can treat you "by the book", just exactly as he would treat a white man who was breaking into a home, and yet be racist. However, that is the platform that Gates has immediately jumped up onto and, unfortunately been followed by many others--apparently, including the President.

This whole story irks me incredibly. My logical brain struggles at times to digest the ridiculous roads that our country sometimes hurls itself down. The "logic" being conveyed on TV is that in the past police officers have been known to have problems with being racist, this man is a cop, therefore he is a racist. That kind of logic would be appalling if it were used in the reverse. Obama will be lucky if his comments don't incite someone to violence. I don't see how turning a "by procedure" arrest into a racial matter is anywhere near healing race relations in our country. Isn't that what Obama said he would work towards?

What I am pleased to see is that this officer is refusing to apologize for following procedure. So many times something like this will happen and some poor cop will be fired or publicly humiliated for daring to arrest a wealthy man. (Some of the rich in our country seem to expect special treatment at all times--that's retarded, offensive and irritating.)

I have been pleased as well to see that many of the online polls relating to this situation have shown the outrage that the people feel over such explosive language from the president.

Facebook

Facebook depresses me sometimes. It is a page filled with all of the exciting things that are happening to everyone else. Some even manage to get others to post comments on their status. It just feels so much like a finger pointing at me and a voice saying: "Look at all the things that you are not doing." It's a laughing and mocking voice. And I am struggling to do something, to be something. But I am always running smack into the brick wall of my limitations.

Draft

I draft everything and post nothing. My "Edit posts" page is filled with the words draft, draft, draft. Sometimes my life feels like a draft. I'm always in pieces. Unsure of where God is leading. Unable to see the finished product that God has in mind for me. A rough draft. Constantly working it all out. Wondering at the world.

Blessed

I feel so blessed to be here in Fort Collins, Colorado. It has been snowing and producing the iconic "White Christmas". And I know that it is just for me from my Father up above who delights in the joy He brings me. I am pinching myself everyday. I am so glad to be here with my family, in a warm house, with tasty treats, and I'm even OK with the fake tree (though next year it WILL be real--can't wait!).

But this time of year also fills me with a pang of sorrow, an ache in my heart. This is the time of year that I miss most the people I've lost. I am sorry to not have my mother in my life--though her life is such that I can't--she's still my mother. In spite of all her faults I love her and ache for her. She is so lost, and I am so sorry for her and the pain that her life brings her.

A greater loss, I miss Gage deeply. I hope that he is well, and healthy, and happy. I pray that God will shield my memories of him and keep them firmly planted in my heart. I know that God has Gage in His strong and loving hands.

Still I feel blessed...

What Year Is It?

I just read a headline about how Obama's election is spurring hate crimes, cross burnings, etc... What year are we living in that someone would not only feel such ignorant hate but also feel completely comfortable expressing it? Where is the shame? My dad got text messages from people he works with that were filled with racial slurs following the election and christians that I know are still promoting false information about Obama's religion. Where is the truth? Whether you voted for him or not Barack Obama is our president, the leader of our nation, and as such deserves our respect. I know some who would agree with that, encourage that sentiment out the right side of their mouth while bashing him with the left. How is that respect? How is gossip and rumor spreading a sign of respect? We all should feel ashamed! Ashamed of our country that still harbors such stupid hatred and really ashamed of Christians who do not seek out the truth before condemning others (I include J.K. Rowling in this as well--I can't tell you how many people quote a false article written by a comic newspaper to me about J.K. Rowling recruiting children to become witches.)
It is time for us to embrace the leader that God has chosen for our nation. It is time for us to stand up and speak out against racism wherever it is met.

Sharks

Shark found in swimming pool. I always knew it was possible that Jaws was in the deep end.

Our Little Baby

Rocket Science

A Day in the Life

We stopped to get a Starbucks coffee for mom. (Bradley doesn't need caffeine.)

We took the dogs to the park for a walk. (This was before the wave of 100+ temps.)

Bethany climbed a tree. (In flip flops.)

Bradley climbed a tree. (Yeah!)

Charles Spurgeon

“We have a faith to preach, my brethren, and we are sent forth with a message from God. We are not left to fabricate the message as we go along. We are not sent forth by our Master with this kind of general commission - ‘As you shall think in your heart and invent in your head as you march on, so preach. Keep abreast of the times. Whatever the people want to hear, tell them that, and they shall be saved.’ Verily, we read not so. There is something definite in the Bible. We ought to preach the gospel, not as our views at all, but as the mind of God-the testimony of Jehovah concerning his own Son, and in reference to salvation for lost men. If we had been entrusted with the making of the gospel, we might have altered it to suit the taste of this modest century, but never having been employed to originate the good news, but merely to repeat it, we dare not stir beyond the record. What we have been taught of God we teach. If we do not do this, we are not fit for our position.”

Writing

Writing terrifies me. I get so far in a paper or a story and then I am blank. Empty. There is nothing left in my brain. No clever turn of phrase; no idea where I was even headed. When we move Dan mentioned that he'd like it if I went back to school. Frightening. Do you know how many essays and papers you have to write in college? I haven't even gotten English under my belt. That's at least 5 papers on its own. I feel like I should write...something. I long to put pen to paper and create things. I write the most interesting colorful sentences in my head all the time. They just don't connect into any one coherent paragraph. I often think of writing a short story but can never decide what to write about. The trouble is that everything worth writing about (and some that aren't) have been written. What is my original idea? Where do I want to take it? I don't know; I'm drawing a blank...

Insomnia

I'm awake. Not really by choice. I'm up by choice. However, if I were laying down on my soft comfy bed, I would still be awake. So, I'm improvising neat things to do on the internet. First I did all of the routine things all of you would expect. I checked my email. I checked my blogs. I surfed through all of my usual hangouts. Then I went to myspace. I searched for my brother, my cousins, long lost friends. Then I googled them all. I found an email address for Aaron Foor. Quite exciting since I've been trying to reconnect with Emily for ages. I also found Janette Gleim. She was in my wedding. So, I shot off a random, 2am email to her. Turns out she lives near Denver, CO. Which is one of the top places on our list of lovely places to move. Interesting.
I wish I could email Gage. I have googled him in the past but in fairness he isn't really old enough to have accomplished Google worthy fame. I'll keep trying...
Yesterday I went swimming. It was the first time I've gone swimming since I was diagnosed. It was a lot of fun. It cost me soooo many spoons. I came home, had Dan BBQ hamburgers, and crashed at around 730pm. I slept straight through the night. 13 hours of sleep. I barely made it through today I was so weak and tired. I think I'm so exhausted that I can't sleep. Only people who have ever experienced this will understand it.
I should probably pull out the big guns...yoga breathing and classical music. I really do need my sleep. Tomorrow is another day of mandatory rest and recovery in the regime of "Pace Yourself". I'm supposed to try to do less than nothing. It's harder to accomplish than you think...

Free Comics!

May 3rd was free comic book day. Every year on the first Saturday in May participating comic book stores will give away free comics. This was our first year attending. Bradley was quite excited. We were all expecting to receive one comic book each and hoping that the one we got would be a good one. It turns out that "Free Comic Book Day" is an event used by the publishers of comics to expose many readers to their new lines of comics. Instead of one comic a piece we each were able to pick out one of each kind available. I was able to come away with all the comics you see in the picture. What a fun and exciting event!

What Am I Doing?

Looking forward to summer. I have so many books I want to finish and so many I want to start.

Watching my illness. I've had two pretty good days this week apart from some pretty pretty bad pain in my right arm.

Enjoying Classical music.

Learning to play piano. Who knew? You can teach an old dog new tricks...

Trying to finish Emma by Jane Austen. It's not my favorite of her books and it's long. I'm ready to finish and move on. I'm going to try and challenge myself with Wuthering Heights.

Reading poetry. Really homeschooling provides so many opportunities for me to learn and grow. I hope my kids are getting something out of it too.

Thinking and researching and praying. We are looking to the future and wondering what God has for us next. What is the best next step? Nothing is clear at all. I wish I owned a donkey...I do have a wall.

Hoping to hear from the Lord. About anything. I just love hearing from the Lord.

I am still here

I am still here. Still looking for opportunities to blog, ideas to share. I am still here fighting a disease I don't respect but should. I am still looking to the uncertain future. Wondering. Wishing. Hoping. I am still here mourning the things that I've lost. A child. A life of activity. Sanity. Pain free days. I am still here adjusting and accepting and rejecting and struggling.
I am still here but my ideas for blogging seem to be far away. I find that as I work through the acceptance of this debilitating disease I have become more selfish in my thoughts. It is hard to think of others and outside when inside I am exhausted and worn down with pain. I feel like apologizing collectively to those people I know who are tired of hearing about my new symptoms or the struggles of my week. But this is who I've become. While others are discussing the things that concern them about houses, cars or homeschooling, I am untying the knots of making my body work. I am fighting against a heart and soul that long to run and experience because I no longer have a body that can keep up. I am learning to reject the "I should"s in my head and replace them with "It would be nice if..." If.

Children

Yesterday was my foster son's birthday. I hope he was celebrated well and appreciated. After we lost him we struggled with whether or not we wanted to "try again". We even asked others to pray for us. The ordeal of caring for Gage and then losing him was traumatic for us. Still the grief stalks us and hounds us. It's a pain that lasts forever, I'm afraid.
In my heart, deep inside, I still ache and long for more children. Deeply, deeply. Now I've become sick. And I wonder if this is it for me. Are there to be no more children in my life? Why, then, does God not take this burden and longing from me? I wish He would do one or the other. Take the ache from me or give me hope of more children. Having the ache but no hope is torture.