Still Snowing...

Spring?

Just another snowy April day. This snowy day, happening in April, brings our winter month count this year to eight. Eight months of winter. I'm beginning to wonder if our winter will ever end.

Ice Championships

John Leguizamo attended the opening of the ice park here in Alaska. It is a pretty major event when anyone of consequence comes to Fairbanks, Alaska. But even more so when they come in the middle of our harsh winter conditions. Ice sculptors from around the world converge here every year for the championships. In addition to the beautiful art they also build an ice park for the kids. You have never seen so many beautifully sculpted ice slides. The kids have to wear snow pants or bring cardboard boxes in order to enjoy these. This year the theme of the ice park was Ice Age 2. So, in accordance with this John Leguizamo arrived to promote his new film in which he is the voice of Sid the Sloth. It was great fun to see him arrive via dog sled and "cut" the ice ribbon with a blow torch. Definitely an event to remember.

Update, Finally

Look, it's been forever since I updated this site. I feel as though I should type something...anything. We have lost our foster son. He has gone back to his mom. I have lost my baby. My husband has been deployed to Operation Enduring Freedom. So, I have been quite busy adjusting, running, denying, grieving, surviving, adapting... God has been good to me. He always is. Daily He walks me through--carrying me at times, I'm sure. It is an odd sort of feeling when you are surrounded by both trials and blessings. So painful on one side, yet so wonderful on the other.

-40 Degrees and Ice Fog

For three days it has been -40 degrees with ice fog. What is ice fog? Well it is very similar to regular fog. Only imagine that the fog freezes in the air. You can see all the ice particles sparkling and reflecting in your headlights. We still don't have much light. Sunrise 9:45 a.m., sunset 4:19 p.m. This is the time of year when the temperatures and the darkness really start to drive you mad. The first 3 months of winter are survivable. It's expected...winter--3 months. Come January your body and your mind are screaming for warmth and light. Here in Alaska you usually only get one or the other during the winter. If it is clear and sunny, it is freezing (and to clarify freezing--for those of you in California--freezing is colder than -20 degrees, not 30 or 40 degrees above zero). We long for the days when it is warm enough to snow. If only it could be 5 or 10 degrees above zero. When the temperatures start rising again (30 to 40 degrees)--somewhere around March--you will see Alaskans begin to celebrate the warmth. We stop wearing jackets and start wearing t-shirts.
But January and February are tough months. People still function. We still go out to the store, fill our cars with gas, etc... But we do it quickly and begrudgingly and only because we have to.
When it is -40 it hurts to breath. You can't touch metal doorknobs (or really anything metal) without burning your hand. Weird lights in your car come on for no reason--Airbag, Check Engine. People leave their cars running while they rent movies or do their grocery shopping. If you can't leave the car running you need to plug it in. (The heater in my car never quite makes the car warm and can't keep the windows from icing up.) The tires on a car left outside will freeze. Whatever part of the tire that is pushed flat from sitting on the ground will stay flat. You'll drive around bouncing on squared off tires until they thaw. And really cool...you can take a pan of hot or boiling water outside, throw it up in the air and it will freeze before it hits the ground.

Bethany's New Hat

Dan is off on one of his many adventures. Bethany got a new hat. This was the best way to share it with him. I mean other than emailing it which would have worked just as well. But then you my devoted audience would not have gotten to share in this beautiful moment.

Family Updates

As Christmas is approaching and the madness will be increasing this seemed the best time to give an update on our family. Dan is currently in Hawaii. Those of us left behind are more jealous of the fact that he is somewhere warm and sunny than that it is Hawaii. Well, it could be a tie. You'd be amazed how crazy we all get about sunlight up here in the winter.
Hopefully Dan will have the week after Christmas (mostly) off. He will probably have briefings (the military word for meetings) on his deployment that week. This deployment is coming too quickly. (And lasting too long.)
Our foster son is still with us. He is now completely ours in our hearts. The doctors think he might be having seizures, so he is going to get some tests done. The birth mom is letting me make the appointments. They are starting to transition him home now. He is having home visits once a week with his mom in Fairbanks. Christmas eve he is going to have his first overnight visit. This is one of the hardest things ever! We know that he won't get the care that he needs once he goes home. The mother only needs to be adequate to get him back. This means that she will have to take him to his Occupational and Physical Therapy appointments but it doesn't mean she has to work with him at home.
What a roller coaster ride this has been. I am still working to trust God in this, by faith and not by sight. I cannot even come close to expressing what this experience has been like for us or how much of myself I have poured into this.
Our bio kids are doing great! I am loving homeschooling. I wish I had a few more hours in the day and an extra heaping of energy, so I could keep adding more and more things to do with them. It has been so much fun exploring all of these subjects with my kids. They (my kids) are so amazing and fun. We read Romeo and Juliet out of a book called Tales From Shakespeare, then we rented the movies. It was such a kick to see my 7 and 9 year old not only watch the movie but follow it and enjoy it. It is so exciting to see them learning and growing.

Wherever I Go

Okay, it's been almost a month since I last updated this blog. I'm sure that most of my (two) faithful readers have given up on me. But life has been pretty full for me lately. It's difficult as a stay at home mom to find any time for myself and usually when I get the time my brain is pretty fried. I'm usually only able to sit on the couch and drool. I'm not able in those moments to opine on the world around me or come up with anything of remote interest. "But none of your previous blogs were of interest," you say. True. I'm sure this won't be either. I was just talking with a friend the other day about my blog title...Wherever you go. It is amazing that even when God sends you to Alaska, you take yourself with you. You'd think your junk would be held at the border of Canada. Or that it would at least get frozen solid--something you could stick in the freezer and look at every once in awhile. But it really seems that instead of freeing you of your junk, Alaska has a way of bringing it all out. It is a very isolating place. When it is -25 outside you don't...well you try not to do anything really. It is currently getting dark here. Very dark. The sun rises at 10:45 a.m. and sets at 2:42 p.m. That gives us four hours of sunlight a day--when the sun comes out. Dark, cold, lonely days sitting inside your house to avoid freezing to death give you a lot of time to think. What kind of person am I? How is God ever going to be able to use me? Am I lovable? Why am I so irritating? Why am I so insecure?
I would love to be free of it all. I would like the struggle of life to end. It would be wonderful if God could just say "Hey, you need to stop being angry." And voila! You're perfect. Until then I trust that God knows better than me. And maybe someday it won't be such a disappointment to take myself, wherever I go...

Happy Thanksgiving

I am thankful that my foster son is still with us. I am thankful that Dan is here and our family is going to be together tomorrow. I am thankful for my healthy, smart, beautiful kids. I am thankful for my puppy dog. I am thankful for a God who loves me. He is always giving me the strength I need to get through each day.

link pic 2

link pic

Whatever

Well it appears the image for my link has gone caput. Tonight Dan and I are heading out to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. This movie is based on my favorite book so far. Not so much because it is an important book filled with symbolism, depth or clues (Chamber of Secrets, Azkaban, and HBP are more suited to that) but because this book is the most fun. It is non stop action from page one. It is also the turning point in the battle between good and evil. I can't wait to see it.

New Link

I am so excited to have added a new link to my "links" section. It is a link to the Ambleside curriculum that I am loving for homeschooling my kids. It has been such a rewarding and challenging curriculum. Hope you enjoy checking it out.

Foster Info

We didn't get the transportation for two visits for our foster son. However, the new worker did get rid of Wednesday visits. They are making Monday's visits longer by an hour but I'm hoping that will be manageable. I'm really hoping and praying that one less visit will be enough relief. I really wanted to get it down to one trip into town. So, I am praying that what God has provided will be enough. I don't want to be flying at exhaustion a hundred miles an hour every week. Also, I really want to be able to focus more on homeschooling with my kids.
We were given some more info on our foster son and the circumstances that brought him into care. The new social worker has been really great. In addition we now have an idea of how long he will be with us. Halloween--Yes. Thanksgiving--Yes. Christmas--Highly Probable.
On the difficult news front we just learned that Dan will be deploying earlier than we thought and for a longer time--Eight Months!
Unfortunately this means that I will probably be on my own when it comes time to re-unify our foster son with his mother. This will be challenging.
Interesting to note: In my study with Beth Moore I just watched one of her videos that spoke to me on this very thing. She was talking about submitting to God's will both before and after. She used Jesus and Job as examples. Job submitted to God's will after all of these difficult circumstances came into his life. And often times things do tend to hit us out of the blue (i.e. infected teeth) and it is sometimes difficult to submit in those moments. Sometimes, as with Jesus, we are able to see the challenge coming. In our spirits we can see that this circumstance is going to be very hard. We may not know how hard but we know beyond a doubt that it will be hard. Jesus came here knowing that he was going to have to die for me and you. He also knew that it wasn't going to be a pleasant 'fade away in your sleep' kind of death. He saw the suffering and the temporary separation from God that was coming. He had to submit completely to God in this circumstance before it occurred, knowing the cost.
I feel as though this is where I sit right now. Staring down the barrel of eight months separated from my greatest friend and lover. As well as eight months of doing everything on my own as a single parent of sorts. I know that this is going to press me and pull in ways I've never been tested before. I am so thankful that I do not have to go through it alone. God is going to be there with me, helping me to take 'baby steps' to get through each day. I am so thankful for people in my life who consistently pray for me and remind of the goodness of God. Sometimes I forget. But God never forgets me.

Rough

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me. My husband had to leave for a week for some training and everything got really challenging. I knew that life was going to be difficult with him gone and I couldn't afford to have anything go wrong. Everything needed to go as planned. My weeks already had me approaching exhaustion and I was seeking some relief in the number of visits I needed to get my foster son to. The Friday that Dan left my teeth started to hurt...A lot. Of course there are no dentists open on the weekend. So, I iced my jaw and used Motrin and Ora-jel. I couldn't get in to the dentist Monday because of my foster son's visit, so I made a morning appointment for Tuesday. Then I had to make another morning appointment for Thursday. By Thursday afternoon I wasn't even able to function anymore due to the pain. It appears that one of my roots got infected. Thursday I was given prescription pain killers and antibiotics, which I proceeded to vomit up all night. Friday morning my dentist was back in the office--I had been seeing his partner throughout the week. I went in to get an anti-nausea prescription. My face was so swollen, I was in so much pain and part of my face had gone numb. But my dentist refused to see me. He refused to even look at me. Someone at the office felt that I needed to get the tooth drained to ease the pain and lower the swelling but the dentist would not listen. His partner did come in on his day off and he offered to drain me that afternoon. But by then I was home and hoping that the antibiotics would kick in. I didn't want to have to drive anywhere. I was after all toting around three kids. Saturday morning I had an emergency root canal performed. I felt so grateful that God had gotten me through the week. I had survived. Then Dan came home Monday. Bradley and I caught a plane on Wednesday for his surgery on Thursday. Needless to say we are all exhausted. Bradley's surgery went really well. He came out of anesthesia really well. We are hoping the surgery had its desired effect and all will be well with Brad.

Just A Couple Of Things

I'm always afraid that I am going to bore the few readers I have with all of my mundane information. My life really doesn't seem that exciting to me. Though I am still traveling at break neck speed through it every day. I'm still doing visits in Fairbanks for my foster son. But now I am doing it three times a week. I was going to try and get OCS (Office of Children's Services) to help with transportation but at my last visit with the bio mom I didn't even see anyone. That's right, there was no social worker or visitation specialist there to greet me or see me off. It is mostly like this. A lot of the time I'm pretty much ignored. I'm just sort of a background player. I could be the cab driver, or the person delivering lunch. It wouldn't be much different. If I call them I know that they will return my phone call but I'm not sure how thrilled they are going to be when I ask them to provide some transportation. It just seems like it would be better to ask in person. It is too much of a challenge to try and get my foster son to Fairbanks three times a week in the middle of the day--especially while homeschooling.

In other news, we found out on Friday that Bradley is going to need surgery to remove some scar tissue. It is just really hard for a mom to hear that her son needs surgery. We are going to have to take him to Anchorage to get this done. The military will pay for Bradley and one adult to fly down for this appointment. Of course this means we can't all go. Plus in order to take our foster son we would have to get special permission from his mom to miss his visits. His surgery is scheduled for Oct. 13 with a pre-op appointment on the 12th. Also, my foster son has an appointment scheduled in Fairbanks on Oct. 12. Dan is in Japan this week. So, I will need to figure out how to pull all of this together on my own. Hopefully it will all come together smoothly. Dan is supposed to get back from Japan on Oct. 10. Then he will have to take some time off, either to stay here with the kids or to go to Anchorage.

If I didn't know that God is sovereign, that he loves and cares for me, and that he is mighty, powerful and in control, I don't know how I would get through life sometimes. Praise be to God who carries me through it all.

No Spare Time

I have no spare time. Not even to write this. I am giving up precious moments of sleep to update this blog that almost nobody reads. We got our first foster care placement Tuesday night. He had a visit with his mom scheduled for Wednesday and another is scheduled for tomorrow. Next week he will start on regular visits Monday and Wednesday. It is amazing to me how much time an infant absorbs. It has been quite a few years since I've had one. Also, it is a unique challenge to get a 5 month old. You don't get the first 5 to figure things out. We just had to guess how much he weighed and hope the diapers we bought would fit. It is an adjustment getting used to having a baby again.

In addition to the foster child, I am attending classes on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for two weeks. These are the CORE classes required when becoming a foster parent in Alaska. They are super helpful and informative but ever so inconvenient. They are in Fairbanks, which is a 30-40 minute drive. The visits with the baby's mom are also in Fairbanks. Ouch on the gas!

Also, I am going strong in my third week of homeschooling. It has been extremely difficult for the kids to stay focused on school with a baby around--not to mention the interruptions of visits to Fairbanks in the middle of the school day. It's been challenging for me to go with the flow. I haven't been able to have a decent un-interrupted quiet time with God since he got here either. I'm probably going to have to get up earlier--YUCK!!!!! It would be nice if I could go to bed earlier but my schedule just isn't allowing it right now. Hopefully as things progress we will be able to find a nice schedule to fall into. After Sept. 17 I won't have CORE anymore, so that will ease things up a bit. However, I am missing my Tuesday evening bible study the next two weeks, so that will still be there. And the kids are starting Awana soon, so there goes my Wednesday evening. But God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. So, I am working on trusting Him with all of this. He has been so faithful to me!

The Word

I am just absolutely blown away by the word of God. My bible study led me on a journey through just a few of the prophecies Christ fulfilled. It is amazing to behold. Never has there been a book with so much to learn from. It is a never ending source. I can't even comprehend the brilliance behind the writing. From book to book there are no inconsistencies. On the contrary, you will find the same truths in many places, in many books--sometimes the truths are exact to the details. It is amazing. I am in awe of the intelligence and faithfulness (believability) of my God.

First Day

Today was our first day of homeschooling. I think it went fantastic. It was actually a lot of fun for me. The only problem we had today was the length of time it took. I think this is because it is new to us and we haven't perfected our schedule. And the fact that Dan--who is going to be gone until Friday--kept popping in and out of the house today, getting ready for his trip. Hopefully tomorrow will go a little smoother and quicker. The math we are doing right now is really easy for the kids. The curriculum is set up differently than public school. So, I am hoping to fly through the early lessons (stuff they already know) and get to the tougher ones more quickly. My plan is to get them both through two levels this year. What a goal!!! Hey, math is FUN!!! I love it anyway. We are learning about Astronomy in Science. And our reading program is amazing. For history we are studying all of the events that occurred during the life of Augustus Caesar, in a book called Augustus Caesar's World. Hopefully we will be able to use the book Our Young Folks Josephus, as well, but it has to actually get here first. And we'll have to see how it goes. We have a lot planned but I keep reminding the kids--especially Bradley--that this is for the entire year. We aren't climbing the mountain in one day, or even one month. I hope that the kids will be able to enjoy their education this year. After all they have the best teacher in the world...me. :)

Homeschool.

We've been very busy lately. I've sat down many times to update my blog. My problem? I would check my email first. There would invariably be something that would require me to write back. We haven't yet received our first foster care placement but we are anxiously awaiting that. What has kept us busy these last weeks is homeschooling. Should we? Shouldn't we? I have always told people that my kids are excellent candidates for homeschooling but I am not sure that I am. I am still not sure that I am. But we are trudging forward with it none-the-less. I am really excited about some of the things we will be learning about together this year. It was nothing less than a miracle that we were able to put together a curriculum for this year so quickly. And so the new adventure begins...